The Girl Code

Dear Layla,

I know this may sound morbid and awful, but there is one important thing I want you to know in case I don't make it long enough to tell you in person: Please remember that girls should be nice to other girls.

Yes, I hope to live long enough to witness you go to prom, graduate from college, get married, and have kids, but I also don't know God's Plan for me and you. Perhaps our time together will be long (*crossing my fingers*) and that will be magical. But if it isn't meant to be that way, please remember to be nice to other girls. I like to think of this as Girl Code.

If all girls were to adhere to the Girl Code then such stupid shows as "The Bad Girls Club", "Jersey Shore", and basically anything considered reality television on VH1 would cease to exist. Why can't girls just get along?!? Why must they fight and argue to make each other miserable? I just don't get it.

Oh, sweet Layla, please try to break the cycle of being mean. Just try to be nice. If you see a girl with lipstick on her teeth, tell her. This is being nice. Who would want to walk around with red lipstick stains all over their pearly whites? If a girl who looks like one of the hippos from Disney's Fantasia asks you if she looks fat in her new outfit, dodge the question. This is also being nice. Change the subject to how the color compliments her eyes or the outfit makes her boobs look great.

See the difference? You don't have to be mean! It's a win-win!

I only bring up the need to understand the Girl Code because some women were never taught this important lesson. I know this personally and became a victim during the early stages of my pregnancy with you.

I was only 6 weeks preggo when I started to announce my pregnancy. Most women were quick to congratulate me but there were others who thought it would be appropriate to talk about miscarriage. Though it's true that the risk of miscarriage is high during the first trimester, I found the constant reminders from other women to be a direct violation of Girl Code. Why did they feel the need to burst my preggo bubble?! Urgh!

There are many examples of how the Girl Code was ignored during the beginning of my pregnancy. There was the woman who commented, "I lost a baby that was 6 weeks old" when I showed her your blinking dot ultrasound at 6 weeks. Another woman told me that she miscarried multiple times before carrying a baby full-term. The nasty comments were coming at me like a rainstorm on a spring afternoon - they were unavoidable. It got so bad that I felt guilty for being pregnant. I refused to talk about being pregnant unless someone else bought it up in conversation. I quit reading my pregnancy books. I was a miserable person who just wanted to be happy.

Perhaps my lowest point was one night around the 8 week mark. I had come home from work after enduring several miscarriage comments. Daddy was at work, so I was alone until dinner. I tried to get my mind off the miscarriage topic, so I turned on the T.V. for a distraction. I ended up dropping the remote and the channel changed to a info-merical for St. Jude's Hospital. (This is not unusual since we live in Memphis. St. Jude is a wonderful place of hope and healing! Daddy and I donate to St. Jude because we believe that it is a great place where God moves and daily miracles happen.) I got sucked into a story about a girl born with a terminal disease who is a patient at St. Jude. The story was wonderful, but it broke my heart. I couldn't help but to think, "If my baby DOES survive this pregnancy, she could be sick like the girl on television!" All I could do was cry. I literally cried so hard that I couldn't breathe. My heart ached. I sat in the living room, the only light was from the television (Darn Daylight Savings Time and the light switch being SOOO far away from the couch!) and cried, cried, cried. Daddy came home to find me in this pitiful state. This made me cry more. His hugs and Taco Bell made me feel better.

Just thinking about that night makes me a little weepy. It was perhaps the lowest point of my life, not just pregnancy.

Promise me Layla that you will remember the Girl Code. I am sure that there will be girls that come along in your life that will hurt you. Just do your best to not hurt others. Some girls will get pure enjoyment out of making other girls miserable. Sure they may end up on some crappy reality television show, however it's not worth it. They will expect to get money and fame, but really all they'll get is ridicule from Joe McHale from E!'s The Soup.

Love,
Mommy