The Unknown

Dear Layla,

Let's just be honest, Daddy and I know almost nothing about babies. You are our guinea pig. Our lab rat. Our test subject. We know that we're going to make a ton of mistakes and pray that you turn out okay despite our mishaps. Please try to remember the good times during your childhood if you ever end up in counseling as an adult. We'd appreciate that.

Or, if you want to do us a favor, could you be born as a well-mannered, toilet-trained 2 year old? I know I would feel a lot more confident if that were the case. No, you don't want to do that for your Mother?! You want to be born as a normal, naked newborn?! Fine then, but I DID warn you.

Throughout my pregnancy I have been shocked by all the things I didn't know about babies. My only experiences with babies has been through babysitting in high school and holding some one's baby for a few minutes. I am certain that there is more to raising a child then changing, holding, feeding, and burping but that is all that I really know. In fact, I learned just a few weeks ago that I'll have to wash your clothes in special baby-friendly laundry detergent. Shocking!

My knowledge on pregnancy is just as limited. I have already learned so much in these 7 months. Below is a list of the things I've learned/experienced that I wasn't prepared for. Consider this my "Dummies Guide to Being Pregnant for the First Time".

• Boobies - They will grow. Basically that's all you need to know. One day I went to bed with my ordinary little A-sized boobs and woke up with C's. I felt like Jennifer Aniston in the movie "Bruce Almighty" when she bounced up and down and exclaimed "Look at them!" because her boobs had grown overnight. I went shopping that very weekend to purchase my first over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder and placed my pitiful, little bras in the back of my undie drawer. According to all the pregnancy books, I'll be wearing those little ones again real soon. Dang.
• Heartburn - You will have it . . . a lot. I never knew what heartburn was before getting pregnant. I could eat spicy food with hot salsa poured on top and wash it down with a shot of Tabasco without problem. You, my dear, changed that big time. I didn't even know what was happening when I experienced heartburn for the first time. I'm an idiot. For almost a week I tried to sleep while propped up with multiple pillows to ease the pain. Finally, after dinner one night, I told Daddy that I felt like I could spit fire. That's when it hit me that I was having heartburn and should get some Tums. I now eat 2 or 3 Tums a day because heartburn sets in after almost every meal. Just the other day I got heartburn from eating one Hershey's Kiss. ONE HERSHEY'S KISS?! Are you kidding me? I've heard that you will be born with a ton of hair because of all the heartburn I've had these months. Guess I should stock-up on ponytail holders.
• Belly Button - It grows too. For some people it may seem obvious that your belly button would grow right along with your belly, but I never really thought about it. I still can't believe the size of my belly button. Daddy likes to tease me and stick his finger in it to measure it's new size. I'm secretly afraid that one day he'll stick his finger in and it will go so deep that my belly button consumes his whole hand much like a black hole. Then again, my big, new belly button is still better than getting an outie.
• Water Works - I have cried and cried throughout these months. Sometimes it's for no reason at all. During dinner with Daddy and Uncle Jason around Thanksgiving, I just started crying. Daddy just told Jason, "She does this" and he was right. I DO just cry without reason. The pregnancy books warned me that my emotions would be really out of whack, but nothing prepared me for the buckets and buckets of tears that I have cried because of nothing. It's been bizarre.
• Naps - I only thought I had out-grown them. Even if it is only for a few minutes, taking a nap has been a glorious thing. I have always been a heavy sleeper (I slept through a hurricane in college) and being pregnant has only amplified things. More than once I've fallen asleep on the couch only to have Daddy wake me up to say, "Go to bed" and while staggering to bed, notice that it's only 8:30 at night.
• Aches and Cramps and Pains, oh my - Daddy and I are exercising people so feeling sore wasn't anything new to me. But being pregnant has taken "soreness" to a whole new level. At least once a week I wake up with severe leg cramps that bring tears to my eyes. (See what I mean about crying?!) And no, bananas don't help. Also, my hips hurt all the time. I feel like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz without his oil. My legs are so tight that it hurts to walk. After just a few steps, my legs seem to loosen and I can walk and run without problem, but its those first few movements that hurt like heck. Daddy often tells me to let him know if he is walking too fast, which is sweet and embarrassing all at the same time. My waddling must be annoying.

Okay, so there you go Layla. That is what I have learned about being pregnant. I have really enjoyed being pregnant so please don't think otherwise. And as far as learning about actual babies goes, I'll have to wait for you to arrive to work on that. Or take a parenting class - which ever comes first.

Love,

Mommy